“GGG”

GGG stands for Good, Giving, and Game. More specifically: good in bed, giving equal time and equal pleasure, and game for anything—within reason. The term was coined by Dan Savage, gay author and sex advice columnist for the Stranger.   I saw this “GGG” term in the dating profiles a couple of times, so I have googled it before, but today I took a bit of a deep-dive. I was not aware of this column until it was mentioned to me the other day…it is quite good and covers so many situations and the advice dished out seems pretty sound from what I’ve read so far. He also has a podcast, so prepare for my mind to be on sex for a while I sort through his work – LOL.

When I first saw the term GGG and I looked it up, I thought well…of course…isn’t everyone those things? Or at least strive to be? Upon closer retrospect of past sexual interactions…I have decided most definitely not.

I have always wanted to be “good” in bed. I research, I learn, I ask questions, I take direction…I am always striving to be better. Whether I have actually accomplished being “good” in bed, I don’t know. Maybe. If enthusiasm and desire to be “good” count, then maybe yes.

Giving, yes. I’m wired that way. The same with “Game” …I’m wired that way. The key to being “game” though I think is really good communication with a little time for research and thought if needed. I really have endeavored to be open-minded and experimental…which is why I have been open to being involved in the kink community.

I can’t begin to tell you how many people are not “good” at sex. Mostly due to ignorance and lack of desire to know more or be better. Or the misguided perception they know everything there is to know and have missed the idea there are nuances to everything. So many are not “giving” either…mostly human nature of selfishness? Or oblivious to their own lack of real concern about pleasing their partner as much as they get pleased. I’m just fucking wired that way…it gives me pleasure to pleasure other people. May be part of my “sub-ness”? And then there is “game” …pitiful actually how many people are not game for new things. Sometimes you don’t know you like something until you try it. My nature is to be curious. I like to try new things. I suspect people that aren’t up for trying new things aren’t comfortable with their own sexual nature or have some hang-ups maybe they need to work through. Hang-ups and attitudes from connections formed illogically as children by well meaning but misinformed parents that become our “reality”? Yeah…it seems the work never ends when it comes to self-improvement.

Upon thinking about it, I am actually kind of surprised when I think about how many people don’t ask the person they are having sex with what they like…what turns them on…what they want or need to feel good. One guy I was seeing for a minute couldn’t really verbalize what he wanted or needed…but if we were going to have a good time I needed to know. I finally came up with the idea of asking him to tell me what it was like when he masturbated…what did he do…what was he thinking about. Since I am not using his name, I guess I can go ahead and share – because it gave me some great insight into where he was and why we were not connecting and would not be connecting in a meaningful way – so I knew I would be saying goodbye. For starters he had multiple vibrating toys he used multiple places (no biggie…I like those too) – not to be too graphic, but a couple of hanging dangly ones then a Rabbit (another vibrator) on each side of his penis. Due to using them though, seemed to require more all the time…(as a woman, I’ve been there too…I know how to correct that situation should one want to). But here is the kicker, he would look at himself in his phone camera with a filter to make himself appear feminine and was basically imagining fucking his alter ego. I can’t be that. Nor did I desire to. That’s where he is stuck until he figures himself out more. And that’s okay. It just doesn’t work for me. I couldn’t fulfill that for him even if I wanted to.

I’m open-minded. I also think there is a chance our “stuff” evolves and changes over time. What turns us on at one point in life may be completely different at another time in life and maybe even sometimes we have a period of time in between when we are figuring out new things that create excitement and desire. I have no interest in interactions that aren’t fully “GGG” as well as filled with open and authentic honesty anymore (Further making the shallow puddle of possible options even smaller…oh well).

If you aren’t in a “relationship” (I have no idea why I feel the need to put that in quotes – but it’s how I feel – LOL), then you need to have honest introspection…I think being physical beings we have a responsibility to keep our sexual side alive and healthy. If you are in one (you know…the “R” word…) then it’s important to have ongoing, open, honest, non-judgmental, loving, supportive conversation about it to maintain a healthy sexual relationship…because sex is important and a part of the “R” word.

Holy cow…what is my issue with the word “relationship” today?? Maybe I will investigate that tomorrow. Or maybe not. I have a lot of sex related podcasts to catch up on – LOL.