Time for some serious truth…
If a person you are “involved with” takes 14 (daylight, non-work) hours to respond to a text inviting them to do something fun with you 3 weeks down the road, they are saying they are not really wanting to do that thing with you… and they also don’t care about you. Even if you are super busy curing cancer or climbing Machu Picchu, you can text back and say let me check my schedule and not make a person wait 14 hours to hear “maybe – that might be fun”. (last week I actually apologized for making him wait 30 min for a response because I was in a meeting… thinking it was the polite and caring thing to do… guess I’m a dumb ass 🤷♀️)
A person who won’t let you in to their real-world life does not want a relationship with you. They are not emotionally available… to you anyway.
Someone who rarely thinks of you, is not into you – so you probably shouldn’t be into them. This is probably something everyone else already has a grip on… I’m just a dumb ass who “feels” too much and gets attached to people when I allow myself to be soft. I don’t enjoy feeling like a random afterthought. I deserve to be a priority (at least somewhere in the top 100 🤷♀️).
One small gesture – once in a while – does not mean they see you and appreciate the wonderful combo of great qualities you might be.
Someone who only wants to see you for sex and only every couple of months – does not care about you. You are being used to fill a sexual need for them…. that’s all. Never mind I need sex much more frequently….it’s not about me, because they don’t really care.
So why would I ever care about or be attracted to a person who really doesn’t care about me? I don’t know… I’m fucking broken. Broken and done trying to feel romantically toward anyone. It’s too…pick a word – they all fit… hard, unhappy, painful, damaging…the list goes on. I’m sure it’s more crap I have to work on. It just makes me sad.
This is what I will be thinking about…I will update this post when I know why I am so broken and why I allow myself to make this kind of mistake (so we can all be healed and happier).
****Update: I am not “broken”. The problem here is intention and communication.
When I started interacting with this person, I was looking for a relationship and a partner. I assumed he was also. There was not clear communication about what was going on and not clear intention – well maybe he had clear intention but did not communicate it well…I think I was pretty clear…actually I am certain I was clearly communicating what I was looking for in my very lengthy dating profile. I just thought I was continuing to date others while this particular interaction grew or didn’t…then I quit dating others. (Not because of him but because the dating world was not creating joy).
Life is so much easier with good communication. For instance – the ex-Buddhist monk – when we met, we shared a ton of ourselves with each other then decided to have sex and not a “relationship”. Intention and communication were clear. Everyone was happy. Every time I have decided to have a “fuck buddy” I have been clear in communication as well as the rules of the FB relationship. This one slid in as a potential “real” relationship, became a FB type relationship but the intention and communication didn’t follow the logical, linear path I understand – so things got fucked up. One person (me) catching “feelings” and the other person not catching them – well that just makes a mess. It’s mismatched wheels on a wagon…a real bumpy ride.
So…lesson learned…need better communication and more clear intention. And although we are very compatible sexually (except for frequency apparently), I can’t engage with him anymore. Every time we connect it feeds my feelings for him and ends up causing me emotional pain. Sometimes you have to acknowledge something isn’t good for you…maybe not meant for you. He’s not a bad person – just has different intentions and needs to be a better communicator so people can keep things clear. If from the start he had said “I am only looking for a sexual relationship” – I would have said “Cool. Here are the rules… “. The rules keep things unemotional and very clear. (If you need them, they can be found here undomesticatedbitch.wordpress.com/dating-refresher/)
[Edit: I said above he wasn’t a ”bad person”. Would a ”good person” treat you like an afterthought, then ghost you after you call them on their bad behavior? Maybe not a good guy after all… for sure not the guy for me. I also just realized he wouldn’t even have me as a FaceBook friend…that realization sooner could have saved me some heartache. From the beginning he never intended to let me into his life – not even his FB life…]