I’m done wallowing and creating melancholy doodles. Granted – those things have purpose and sometimes you have to take some time and “feel” your feelings and where you “are” at a given moment. I really hate that chaotic, disconnected, fragmented feeling of being out of alignment.
Meditation cures everything… and doing the energy work I am supposed to be doing…I much prefer to not feel sad and be the person whose energy is so good that stranger’s pets curl up at my feet and go to sleep. I prefer to radiate love…to the extent it changes everything, and everything changes. Today a grumpy, angry man felt compelled to take down his mask, make eye contact, smile and hold a door open for me. Then later in the day, a guard dog that charged me before their owner could grab them stopped in his tracks when I calmly sent him love energy. He sat down at my feet and licked my hand (the dog’s owner was shocked…I kind of was for a second too). I know this sounds a little nuts. You can’t make this shit up.
I’m finally rested from the art show last weekend and interacting with so many people and so much energy and was able to not only recalibrate but calibrate to a whole new level. I just have to make a few new rules…I will not neglect my own energy for the demands of email, text, calls, appointments…I will respond after my meditation and yoga now – not before (no more putting myself last), and not “real quick” in the middle of my recharge time. I will not engage in any activity that does not bring me joy. Yes, I can feel joy while doing dishes or whatever needs to be done with the right energy and mindset – and if I’m not feeling joyful they can stay in the sink until I do. Actually, I am not thrilled I even used the word “mindset” because that is so ego based…and through meditation you become “no one” and “nothing” – yet “everyone” and “everything”. Anyway – point is…I have a new perspective and I feel good.
I will continue to let go of expectations…I will continue to let go of “wanting” … I surrender to the Universe and allow what is meant for me to come to me. Every time I have reached a similar point, the most amazing things have just showed up. I have this “amnesia problem” sometimes… I forget things I knew, but every time I re-remember I know it better and feel it more completely…I guess it’s part of my expansion. The Universe always sends reminders though… so you can’t get too far away from what your soul knows.
I also feel really compelled to go somewhere – actually… Ireland. This has been growing for some time…I am not sure why. Don’t be surprised if I actually go this next year. I’ve been feeling it for a couple years already, but we had a pandemic… I’ve never been there and don’t know anyone there.
I had some weird interactions this week before I got completely re-calibrated… one male person I talked to told me “I can’t keep up with your mind, it’s too much of a stretch”. This completely surprised me…I often don’t feel very smart and really feel quite uneducated – but I am always trying to learn more. This guy has a college education and runs a company. Maybe this was a reminder to be more conscious of “meeting people where they are”? Sometimes I just say things on my mind, assuming everyone knows what I am taking about. I’m just weird… Then I had an opportunity to reconnect with someone I had previously had an enormous amount of sexual chemistry with… it’s not there anymore. Our energy was so completely different and not compatible. He hasn’t changed – I did. Technically the sex was “good”, but I wasn’t there energetically…we were no longer an energetic match, and I was surprised I had ever felt such chemistry with him previously. I’m not clear on if he felt the difference. I was also asked out by someone who “looks good on paper” but I just wanted to soak in Epsom salts when I got home from our date… I’m sure he is going to ask for a second date, but he is not right for me. The energy was all wrong.
I figured at first these responses were because my mind was on someone else all week, but even in this very clear moment – when I don’t feel any strings of attachment – I know these connections are not “right” for who I am and where I am going. I am aware of how weird and cryptic that sounds, and I don’t mean it to… I’m not even clear on really “where” I am going – LOL, but I do know these men would never understand or embrace the energy work I am working on. I’m okay in my bubble. I don’t need someone to “complete” me. It would be cool to have another weirdo to be with, who “gets” me… they will show up eventually. They will just have to come find me – LOL, I won’t be out looking. I’m back to getting regular massages from someone who understands energy, so that is a positive.
If you have been reading my thoughts for a while, you are accustomed to the whiplash…Once again, I will try to stay on the path and attempt to not be all over the place – LOL.