I have noticed this year, while out in the dating wild… a shift in men. Maybe it has been there for a long time, but I was unaware because I wasn’t out there meeting them. I have blogged about this before…but I’m thinking about it again.
Men, or many of them it seems, have been damaged. Damaged by relationships with women and by women in general. I can think of a half dozen men right off the top of my head who have been so damaged they have closed off completely from any real and meaningful connection. I can think of another half dozen who aren’t even comfortable being masculine anymore. This makes me sad…we all know how much I love a good masculine energy – LOL.
Again, I think it has to do with the societal shift caused by the women’s movement. We, as a society, have shifted so much to try to achieve some sort of “balance”, that women have taken on more positions of authority and power – sometimes at the expense of stripping men of theirs and men have purposefully made themselves less masculine to not be perceived as an oppressor. There are women who take offense if you hold open a door for them and men who are afraid of even holding a door open and risk someone thinking they are thinking the female is too powerless to open it herself. That is the kind of crazy we are living. There is a big difference between gaining power in and of yourself and stripping power from another person. You are not powerful because someone else is weak. Masculine power is not a negative, nor is feminine power.
Whether we are male or female, we seem to make an enemy out of our gender – yet all humans possess characteristics of both masculine and feminine traits. We are not actually attracted to our polar aspect in a partner (whether that be male or female) when our partner isn’t expressing their polar aspect in the full power of it. We only want weakness from the other sex when we, ourselves feel insecure and powerless to them. We all secretly love gender roles. They turn us on… Men and women simply have no idea how to express these gender roles without hurting themselves and each other. Women need to chill the fuck out and embrace and own their femininity and men need to step up and take back their masculinity. I’m not saying men should go “cave man” and be patriarchal misogynists (those do still exist, and we still don’t like them) … just be your masculine aspect in a positive and proud way. When both sexes rise to power through expressing individual strengths, one cannot “triumph” over the other because neither is more powerful than the other. There will be balance. Both energies and appreciation of them are crucial and essential to live a truly fulfilled life and to having a balanced, passionate, loving relationship… and society.
I wish I knew how to help the ones that have so completely closed off…that is an inside job though. The ones that seem the most damaged from their past relationships with women seem to be affected by either their mate leaving them not for another man but for a woman or had a relationship with a woman that had real narcissistic components to their personality. Narcissists seem to be a growing problem in our society…I wonder why that is. Maybe the tendency toward self-absorption and lack of empathy has to do with the way parenting has changed over the years? If we make the child feel like they are the center of the world to try and protect their self-esteem (which this does not… by the way) perhaps they need constant attention and approval as adults to feel okay? Empathy should be taught by parents also but maybe wasn’t taught by some generations because the focus was solely on the child’s feelings? I don’t know…I am not a psychologist. Just an observer and documenter – LOL.
Can I just pretty please place my order for an evolved alpha male that is emotionally available (and adores me)? Thanks in advance.