I was disappointed not to hear from someone I care about with a text on Thanksgiving…I had asked him not to text me anymore so it’s my own fault. I just wanted him to anyway. But he doesn’t truly care about me so it’s just as well he didn’t. I’ve spent some time researching why I am attracted to people who are not emotionally available. I had some theories about this in a previous post, and they are not necessarily incorrect, but I have also learned there are energetic archetypes. Actually, many layers of them…the first are adopted subconsciously as a way of coping in childhood. One of the archetypes is “unrequited lover” who energetically matches with unavailable people. Someone who isn’t really “there” can’t really abandon you (even though it feels like they do – really you haven’t put yourself out there far enough to be truly abandoned). It’s not a rational dynamic. But it is an energetic truth.
I am spending time working with archetypes now and working on improving my energetic and magnetic choices. The workshops are through Caroline Myss and Robert Ohorro – both of whom have websites with interesting information. I highly recommend checking them out if you have any curiosity about managing your own power or energy. The world is changing…rapidly…and learning to effectively manage our own energy will be more important than ever. Everything is in flux. People feel it – but they are focused on being overwhelmed by some of the details…politics and the other distracting events and not seeing the whole picture – the shifting of everything. Such big changes have already taken place in our lifetime… it is a pivotal time to be alive.
I will stop betraying myself by giving my energy away…every interaction is a negotiation or energy exchange of some kind. No one person’s approval or disapproval should have any effect on me. I need to be fully present and available – but impersonal. I am forever learning and always in motion. I need to not make a big deal out of things that should not be a big deal. I don’t always need to know why things happen the way they do. Not everything is worth processing. Each of us lives in our own reality and creates our own reality. I just need to stay honest. Live my truth…find a better team of archetypes to manage my energy, be more discerning and keep growing. I have seen it before…if you surrender to the Universe, things align automatically and create miracles and leaps in growth. Changing my magnetics will draw in different opportunities and resources.
The last few months I’ve had more weird dreams than usual. I guess it’s part of growth and/or healing…I’ve also had some other types of dreams or experiences while sleeping that don’t really feel like dreams…there are very real physical sensations and deep, meaningful conversations that I do not control the content or outcome of. I don’t know what they are called. I want to say its soul dreaming on another dimension or something. Two of them were so powerful – yet contradictory – that I keep replaying them in my mind trying to make sense of the what and why of them. Boy, that sounds mentally unstable. I assure you I am in my right mind…just expanding my senses and insights in new and different ways. I have decided not to limit or hide my psychic “abilities” anymore but go ahead and allow them to mature. We all have them (psychic abilities). I’m not “special” – so don’t misunderstand.
I have a new business brewing in my mind (that’s always how they start first). More to come on that as I firm things up. The entrepreneurial streak I have is another archetype – who would have thought? Another side business may cut down on my loneliness… I love my alone time, but I am lonely… I still miss having a partner. I have to accept that this experience is another opportunity for learning and growth. I do have a sex date on Monday – LOL. I may be expanding and growing, but I still need sex… at least the expectations are clear – not a relationship, just sex – no emotion, just sex. I can do that if my intention is clear. I just forgot to compartmentalize earlier this year when interacting with people since I was looking for a partner. I still want one, but I’m not looking as much as waiting.