December 2021 – a little bit of everything…

What day is it?

Prepare for random rambling about all sorts of things. I have no one to talk to, so you are elected. Our street has not been plowed or sanded. I did make it out briefly yesterday to take the girls to get their car from Les Schwab. It had to be towed for a flat fix.Continue reading “What day is it?”

Another snow day

I am still snowed in… I hadn’t planned to be snowed in. I borrowed a shovel and unburied my driveway and walkway today. I remember we used to have a snow shovel. I think I gave it away during a move. I distinctly remember saying “I will not need this. If it snows, I willContinue reading “Another snow day”

Christmas is over

I survived Christmas. Robert loved Christmas. He decorated like crazy…every inch of the house inside and out. Christmas movies every day from Thanksgiving to New Years. When I was a kid, Christmas was unpredictable and often a disappointment. Some years I would come home from school or wake up in the morning to find theContinue reading “Christmas is over”

Fuck fear

I woke up this morning thinking about fear. Just before waking up, I was having a dream. I don’t remember the details… all I remember is the feeling of fear in the pit of my stomach. I was momentarily confused, thinking “what is this familiar feeling?” I said to whomever was in my dream, “OhContinue reading “Fuck fear”

… still Thursday

Okay I have been “productive” enough for today. I showered and got dressed. In my “lumberjack” outfit again… that’s what my date called it the other night… I kind of took a little bit of offense. I wear black all the time. I have 36 pair of black leggings, half dozen black slacks, black jeans,Continue reading “… still Thursday”

Yes, it’s Thursday… all day

This morning I was woken up earlier than usual… the thing is, not the usual way. Usually I get up when my alarm goes off, or I just wake up or the dog needs to go out. Today, my dog and I were sleeping soundly then all of a sudden she jumped out of bedContinue reading “Yes, it’s Thursday… all day”

Wrapping up the year…

I have been reflecting on all that has transpired the last year… particularly when it comes to personal growth – which is positive. I am starting therapy next week to make sure I continue to process stuff from the past fully and can move forward as the mentally healthiest version of myself possible and haveContinue reading “Wrapping up the year…”

Home alone-ish

Here I was making my bed today… naked… bedroom door open… home alone. I glance up and I see Robert (my dead fiancé) coming up the last few stairs and stopping at the top just outside my bedroom double doors. Just standing there… in his hang out at home on a weekend t-shirt and shortsContinue reading “Home alone-ish”

Prepping…

I have finally found a therapist…they seem to check all the boxes for what I might consider to be a smart and well-rounded person who might be able to work with me. They even have at least a cursory understanding of meta-physical things and are not religious (I do not need to be saved orContinue reading “Prepping…”

Untitled

Mr. Rogers did not adequately prepare me for the people in my neighborhood. Maybe he lived in a better one than I do. I only watched the show when I was 5 and 6 – maybe he covered more later, and I missed it. It used to make me so sad when he took hisContinue reading “Untitled”

My meandering mind

Work has been really slow. I’ve been watching various workshops online for the last week. Nothing interesting really to report or document…I am struggling. Most of my struggle I think is just the season…and being alone (unpartnered). I am starting to go through the entire house, every closet and every cupboard – to pare downContinue reading “My meandering mind”