My meandering mind

Work has been really slow. I’ve been watching various workshops online for the last week. Nothing interesting really to report or document…I am struggling. Most of my struggle I think is just the season…and being alone (unpartnered). I am starting to go through the entire house, every closet and every cupboard – to pare down and get rid of everything I don’t want or need. Start the year “fresh” energetically, I guess. It’s a good thing I’m starting now – it’s going to take the rest of the year to get it done…If nothing else maybe it will distract me from my lack of work and stress about paying the bills with no work. I have found more notes and cards from Robert while going through things. I have decorated for Christmas, but I’m not really feeling it. The kids and I aren’t exchanging gifts this year.

Once I have the house sorted, I’m sure I will feel very good…too much stuff can bog me down. I told the married man I will not be seeing him. I’m back on a main dating site again…just putting myself on the shelf. I will just sit there and wait, I guess. I have hope that the right person will come along eventually. I was invited to brunch on the water Sunday. The man is way too old for me, but it was a diversion… I listened to him talk about his deceased wife, was a compassionate human and came home exhausted from his energy… but I’ve been exhausted anyway so what’s a little more?

I am usually such an optimist. I’m surprised by my current lack of inspiration and optimism… I hope it passes soon. I need more love in my life… some days I am able to radiate it easily, right now I feel depleted and can’t radiate it at all.

The dictionary defines the word love in a few ways… It’s a noun that describes intense feelings of affection. It indicates a great interest in or great pleasure from something or someone. It’s also a verb towards a person, activity or possession that brings good vibes. The word describes positive relationships to partners, friends, and family. We also use it to describe activities or things we enjoy. Do we all speak, feel, and think of love in the same way? The answer is no, no and no.

The word “love” is so multi-faceted.  It comes up in both casual and serious conversations.  It pops up in the midst of heavy and light emotions. There are many varieties, depths, and types of love.  We learn about “love” first-hand from our parents, family, friends and partners.  We learn from each experience that comes our way. Life experience and societal norms shape our personal definition and use of the word love. We explore and learn the most about love from our relationships. 

There is some level of truth in everything. We should learn to go deeper to sense and feel more fully… to notice truth as a vibration within our bodies.  The level of purity or intention is communicated to us as lightness verses density. The word “love” in its purest form holds a light vibration. It can be loaded with heavy beliefs, and it holds individual definitions. The word carries the vibration of the individual –their values, beliefs, and expectations. People speak and people understand words spoken through their own individual filter. For me, love is a concept beyond words.

Love expressed honestly that tells another person they matter. Love tells another person that you care. Love calms the mind and expands the heart. Love is the feeling that tells you are safe in the world. Love is an energy vibration. Love is an open and light feeling. Love is pure essence. Love is present in quiet reflection. Love is compassionate action. Love is connection without words. Love is precious and priceless. Love holds no expectations. Love is accepting. Love is free. Love is the energy of source… It’s also what I use to clear lower vibrational energy from spaces.

Love – in pure form – is not an emotion that comes and goes.
Love – in pure form – is a vibration that resides within you.

LOVE can be Distorted…

Love, when combined with romance, creates passion.
Love, when combined with fear, creates insecurity.
Love, when combined with need, creates possessiveness.
Love, when combined with uncertainty, creates jealousy.
Love, when combined with betrayal, creates anger.
Love, when combined with dependence, creates manipulation.
Love, when combined with confusion, creates drama.

When LOVE is your primary vibration… 
      – You speak to honor what is best for self and others.
      – You see the best with an awareness of the rest.
      – You look to uplift and understand.
      – You communicate from the heart.
      – You feel the soul in all connections.
      – You choose to not make it conditional

We mature and learn about love every day and in every instance – as we learn to trust and expand our hearts.  Just talking about love makes me feel it a little more…