Home alone-ish

Here I was making my bed today… naked… bedroom door open… home alone. I glance up and I see Robert (my dead fiancé) coming up the last few stairs and stopping at the top just outside my bedroom double doors. Just standing there… in his hang out at home on a weekend t-shirt and shorts holding a bowl of food.

I felt embarrassed – he looked embarrassed. (I don’t know why… he has seen me naked a million times) He said “Oh it was Chelsea who left huh? Sorry…carry on. I didn’t mean to intrude.” I said, “Yeah, Chelsea is gone. What the fuck? No – I’m not going to just “carry on”. I asked you to come and visit me for years…YEARS… and NOW here you are just walking up the stairs like you live here?! You never even lived here. We never lived here together! And we don’t even seem excited to see each other…and I spent YEARS missing you every fucking day…every moment of every day for so long…why are you here?”

He seemed momentarily flustered, then sent me a little blast of love energy. He said “Yeah, I know. I had to keep my distance…for you. I didn’t mean to show up to you right here right now… I just like to come be in your energy sometimes and you made chicken and dumplings…it’s my favorite. I wanted to smell it, I miss it. I was just focused on that. I check on you. I like to know what’s going on and just feel your space.”

“Sounds almost as if you’ve missed my chicken and dumplings more than me.  Where were you going? To my bedroom?” I asked. His reply was “Our couch in the room nobody goes in – you know with Chelsea’s sewing machines. And of course, I can’t show you how much I miss you, it would hurt you.”

“I could have used some communication these last years you know…your insight…your encouragement.”, I said. He laughed a little and said “Shit…some of those days…and those dating sites… and well, you know. I couldn’t interfere. It’s your journey babylove. It had to be yours alone. You really half-assed it on Christmas decorations this year, didn’t you? You are okay my sassypants, you didn’t really need me like you thought you did.”

All these words were instant messages from one to the other – not actually spoken. Telepathic I guess the word is… I paused in thought for a moment, and it crossed my mind – is this real? Then I blinked and he was gone.

I may need to say good-bye to that couch…