You can’t keep picking apples off a tree hoping to find a peach. You can’t teach a grown man how to be positively dominant or a DD if he isn’t wired that way. You would think that I am old enough to know these things.
The comet came back around again…once again, I swear this is the last time I will take ahold of it. He is a very difficult person. This last time he actually tried to be thoughtful and sensitive for a moment – he made an effort (shows personal growth). The last few times he’s come back around, honestly, I have mostly been curious… why is he back? Why does he do what he does? I don’t really care anymore about the “whys” … he is a mess I don’t need. I have been extremely kind and forgiving as well as supportive. I believe he is an INTJ – so I do understand him, but my goodness, he fails to understand himself or take steps to grow as a person.
The sadist never got a second date. Haven’t heard from him at all…
Quarantine guy aka Daddy Dom in training – has been let go. He was not intelligent enough, didn’t have the comprehension for D/s play really, and really is not positively dominant… again – without a “leader” I take over. That doesn’t sound quite right… I need a good alpha male… a guy with BDE… who I can trust to be the D in D/s play – in the “real world” we can be equal, but I still need him to have BDE and the qualities I find appealing. Worst of all this guy pulled the slut shaming card when he got mad at me. You can’t be with a woman who likes sex, then call her names like “whore” when you decide to be upset about something and ever expect to get back in her pants. Some people like to create drama… I don’t like it and I won’t play. Actually, name calling of any kind does not work for me… I do not call people names when I feel upset or angry. It deeply offends me to be called names. He sent an apology, but I will remain unengaged with him… you shouldn’t be doing things you need to apologize for and he isn’t smart enough for me.
I want a guy who is fun to be around, smart enough to talk to, in touch with his own emotions and thoughts, has empathy for others… and is into the same kink I am. I have a few guys on the dating sites on “hold”, I will get around to them eventually. I am in month 11 of being out in the dating wild… February 25th will be the one year mark. I ran away from the sites so many times… I really have learned a lot… and at least I don’t delete them every five minutes anymore – I just ignore them when I need a break.
I am spending 5 days with my adult children and their partners in Sedona. It’s awfully nice when your kids grow up and take you on the kinds of trips you used to take them on. Although it feels a little weird still not to be the one paying for everything. Energy vortexes and crystals are my kind of “weird” and make me happy. They rented a large house with a pool and hot tub so we can all be together while still minimizing Covid exposure with the outside world (all of us remain vigilant in our everyday masking and limited interactions with the outside world). My awesome adult children also like the same food as me, so lots of steak and Eggs Benedict 😊. They are also fun to be around. We had drinks and played games last night. I have a sports injury from ping pong – LOL. Another gorgeous day here… It is so nice to be able to be outside without rain gear or snow gear!
In a couple days I will be back to the grind… real estate, notary loan signings, laundry, housecleaning, Instacart… and anything else I can think of to make a buck to take care of myself… today I will be by the pool if you need me!