I’m thinking about trust. I realize I approach everyone I meet with open arms and trust… until I don’t. I always give people the benefit of a doubt and in my child-like naïve way, I always expect the best of people… until they show me who they are. Then I’m disappointed in them.
Quoting Mark Manson:
“Trust is the base layer of all human relationships. Without trust, there can be no value exchange, no community, no intimacy.
If I don’t trust my wife, then her affection will feel lifeless and empty. If I don’t trust my business partner, then no amount of work will feel useful. If I don’t trust my neighbors or society, then I will see no reason to go out and engage with the world.
Trust is the prerequisite to building anything good and meaningful in this world.
The problem is, humans do a lot of shit that makes them untrustworthy. Our natural disposition is to be short-term, selfish actors. Research shows that most people will lie, cheat, or steal if put in a position where they believe they can get away with it. On top of that, we instinctively fall prey to “us versus them” thinking, which we then use to justify lying, cheating, or stealing.
Sadly, humans aren’t really good at the whole “trustworthy behavior” thing. And when we are, it’s usually only when we’re among close family or friends. Definitely not complete strangers.
Trust makes good things happen. It makes us feel loved, successful, and secure in the world.”
When someone in my life proves they can’t be trusted… with my thoughts, my emotions, my “realness”, or their promises, I slam the door… burn the bridge. Even if it’s not in my best interests. I am aware it is because my trust was violated repeatedly as a child and also lack of trustworthiness feels like abandonment – another issue from childhood. I used to keep coming back… giving endless chances… I don’t anymore. Except when someone shows me their vulnerability…then I melt and give them another chance but will still be ready to bolt… it takes a while to build the trust back.
If you are “alone” anyway, you don’t need those bridges… they are just false hope and false promises. I can’t help it if that part of me is broken.
a little bit of everything... 
It’s pretty tough. If there is no trust in a relationship, then what kind of a relationship is it? It is really nothing more than a Cold War with the threat of a nuclear conflict hanging over everyone. This is also true that people are selfish and we live in this dog eat dog world.
In times of betrayal, I often watch this video and ponder the lessons (or non-lessons) that I can gleam from this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CzKXNqBxPrc
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I used to watch that show as a kid! Of course, the point is well taken. I want to trust… I do trust a lot – but then where is the line for “too trusting”? I was having an angry-ish day… and I do burn those bridges sometimes for self-protection.
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I used to have the pilot movie on vhs and watched it over and over again :). I agree with you on that quandary, when does trust become too trusting, to the point of vulnerability? It’s a difficult question. It’s always good to watch for yourself especially as there are false friends. I’ve had to burn bridges for self-protection as well.
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It’s good to hear someone else think of it this way. I burned bridges with someone I was seeing and our mutual friends chewed me out for it. “Why did you burn the bridge?!” Because there was no bridge.
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