Bad day

I am having one of those days… one of the ornery ones… I’m just feeling stubborn and a little pissed off with the world. I get this way sometimes… like here https://undomesticatedbitch.wordpress.com/2021/09/27/ornery-with-a-side-of-obstinate/ .

Life just is not working out the way I have intended, and it is really pissing me off.

I’m mad at people… very specifically four of them. One who didn’t value me when I deserve to be valued because I am really fucking awesome (honest I am…). One who doesn’t seem to value any woman and hurt my soul a little with his disrespect. Another who hurts my self-worth. And one who should have been honest but wasn’t and left me hanging – waiting – hoping.

I’m mad at Covid for affecting my income (Geeze – that sounds ridiculous… being mad at a virus – but I am).

I’m feeling angry about mediocrity… mediocre people leading mediocre lives… me ending up mediocre – surrounded by mediocrity.

I’m mad at the brain tumor in my daughter’s head.

I’m mad about all the idiots on the dating sites and the fact I am one also. I was just messaged by a guy who said, “Hey how are you” (no punctuation). I said “Hi. I’m good. How are you?” Then I asked one thing about his work and what he did all day as that thing (I can’t remember now what it was – something I had never heard of) – and I was instantly blocked. I was just making polite conversation… What the fuck is wrong with people? If you don’t want to be asked about something, then don’t put it in your profile. People are weird. And not in a good way.

I’m angry that I get 400 emails a day and 399 of them are trying to sell me something.

I’m mad about being stuck in the life I’m in. The hamster wheel I’m on…

I’m really pissed off about not feeling valued at the moment. I am not disposable.

Just as I was getting in the shower, the power went out. I’m pissed that my first reaction was fear and “Oh my God – did I pay the bill?”. Of course I did. I’m fucking responsible. I don’t usually feel fear – but instantly I did… fight or flight shit… survival mode… that really pisses me off. That feeling of lack of control over my life and the shit in it… now I’m mad at Robert again for dying on me…causing my life to take those turns…

And to add insult to injury – I need sex. I have no desire to be around anyone though, so even a spin through the dick rolodex can’t happen.

I am just a peach today. Now I’m pissed off about that too.

So what is a girl to do? Put one foot in front of the fucking other… put all this nonsense down in print just to try and get some sort of relief… try to remember I am in control of my destiny and I have the power to change it – maybe not all at once, in the wave of a hand – but bit by bit… one choice at a time… and get my ass in the car to go do some more work.

Robert would say (I just heard him in my head) – “Relax Babylove. You’re just having a moment. Let it go. Do something nice for yourself. Forget any fucker who doesn’t value you.”

Published by wayward yoga girl

A complex creation that chooses to be quite simple - LOL. I earnestly try to approach life with unconditional love and non-judgement... but I'm only human and perfectly imperfect :)

5 thoughts on “Bad day

  1. Wow Yoga need to woosauuu find your place of Zen yes we are definitely in uncharted and uncertain times, That is massive blow with your daughter what have they told you about the course of treatment?

    Have you looked into Holistic measures ?

    I have found through my decipher and experience things that are not within your grasp getting mad at them just creates higher stress and cases of overwhelming anxiety and exhaustion.

    That time you find for yourself whether it be 5 mins or longer is channel to keep the flow of Zen from reaching madness

    Like the Joker says ” Madness is like Gravity all it needs is a little push ”

    Never forget You Matter and have value anyone tells or suggest you don’t is really more insecure with themselves and too afraid and ashamed to admit it.

    Slainte

    Primal R.e.p.r

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m sorry you’re going through this shit. And your daughter…I can’t imagine. You’re right about putting it all down on paper. When I have these moments writing it down helps. You are a strong woman and carrying around all that power is fucking exhausting. Feel what you feel, claim it all, and take care of yourself. Anyone who can’t appreciate you (it’s them, not you, but you know that) can fuck off.

    Liked by 2 people

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