I am having one of those days… one of the ornery ones… I’m just feeling stubborn and a little pissed off with the world. I get this way sometimes… like here https://undomesticatedbitch.wordpress.com/2021/09/27/ornery-with-a-side-of-obstinate/ .
Life just is not working out the way I have intended, and it is really pissing me off.
I’m mad at people… very specifically four of them. One who didn’t value me when I deserve to be valued because I am really fucking awesome (honest I am…). One who doesn’t seem to value any woman and hurt my soul a little with his disrespect. Another who hurts my self-worth. And one who should have been honest but wasn’t and left me hanging – waiting – hoping.
I’m mad at Covid for affecting my income (Geeze – that sounds ridiculous… being mad at a virus – but I am).
I’m feeling angry about mediocrity… mediocre people leading mediocre lives… me ending up mediocre – surrounded by mediocrity.
I’m mad at the brain tumor in my daughter’s head.
I’m mad about all the idiots on the dating sites and the fact I am one also. I was just messaged by a guy who said, “Hey how are you” (no punctuation). I said “Hi. I’m good. How are you?” Then I asked one thing about his work and what he did all day as that thing (I can’t remember now what it was – something I had never heard of) – and I was instantly blocked. I was just making polite conversation… What the fuck is wrong with people? If you don’t want to be asked about something, then don’t put it in your profile. People are weird. And not in a good way.
I’m angry that I get 400 emails a day and 399 of them are trying to sell me something.
I’m mad about being stuck in the life I’m in. The hamster wheel I’m on…
I’m really pissed off about not feeling valued at the moment. I am not disposable.
Just as I was getting in the shower, the power went out. I’m pissed that my first reaction was fear and “Oh my God – did I pay the bill?”. Of course I did. I’m fucking responsible. I don’t usually feel fear – but instantly I did… fight or flight shit… survival mode… that really pisses me off. That feeling of lack of control over my life and the shit in it… now I’m mad at Robert again for dying on me…causing my life to take those turns…
And to add insult to injury – I need sex. I have no desire to be around anyone though, so even a spin through the dick rolodex can’t happen.
I am just a peach today. Now I’m pissed off about that too.
So what is a girl to do? Put one foot in front of the fucking other… put all this nonsense down in print just to try and get some sort of relief… try to remember I am in control of my destiny and I have the power to change it – maybe not all at once, in the wave of a hand – but bit by bit… one choice at a time… and get my ass in the car to go do some more work.
Robert would say (I just heard him in my head) – “Relax Babylove. You’re just having a moment. Let it go. Do something nice for yourself. Forget any fucker who doesn’t value you.”