I decided to cancel today and tonight’s social commitments and go to Olympus Spa – or the “naked lady spa” as my daughters refer to it. I spent time sitting in heated water with other naked women, in silence. Spent time in the meditation room. And the steam room. And the salt room. Had some lovely Korean food that I have no idea how to pronounce or what was in it, but it was sumptuous… Had a massage. No phones allowed. Just blissful silence. Filled my senses with eucalyptus, rosemary, and other lovely, scented oils. I am relaxed and centered again.
I did not text the man I wanted to text. I reminded myself that I deserve more. I won’t settle for less anymore. Real intimacy… a real relationship… all or nothing. Sex only relationships are too shallow. He was just a glimpse. Just a glimmer of a piece of what can come in a future relationship. If I have learned nothing else in the dating wild, it is that a man will pursue what he wants. If he doesn’t pursue it, he doesn’t want it.
I am busy creating the life I want. Work is going to get very, very busy. The next five years could easily cover my entire retirement. I have a vision of the beautiful life I will build… someone can join me in it… or not. Either way, I will be fine.
I don’t know yet what I will do about tomorrow’s dates. Tomorrow isn’t here yet. Tonight, I will get back to writing. The book my therapist wants me to write had me stalled out for a minute in my writing. I will just plow ahead, even if it means skipping a few chapters and coming back to them later. I don’t suppose creation really has “rules”. It is created however it comes out. Some chapters of life are more ugly than others. It goes against my nature not to dress things up a little, sugar coat a little with optimism… but I also have a deep need to be authentic. Not everything is pretty. But I smell pretty thanks to the spa.