Random thoughts for today

The weather has been so weird. It is sunny, then hailing, then raining, then snowing – all within 15 minutes. It’s been happening for days – it makes it very hard to know how to dress for the day! It’s kind of like an outward expression of me lately… I have become a —- (I hate to even say it) — a person who cries. That has been a daily thing lately also. I have gone decades with hardly a tear, now I’m a fucking crybaby. Oh well. It will pass… maybe. Sometimes it’s a song, or a memory, or something someone says. I am trying not to judge myself too much – it is what it is.

I’m stuck in the book writing. I guess it’s “writer’s block”. I’m trying not to push on it too hard and make it worse. Yesterday I woke up filled with things I wanted to write, then upon standing my sinuses shifted and I got an instant headache. (It’s allergy time again.) I do think I may have a sinus infection though… after medicine and coffee, I had nothing to say again.

I’m staring at the tax paperwork… I’m blocked there too. I am filing an extension to take the pressure off – but I will probably finish them on time anyway.

I wish I could drink tap water. I try. It does not make me happy. I am out of Perrier and San Pellegrino again… So a stop at the store on the way to the post office is in order. Why do I have to be such an expensive bougee girl? It just tastes better. Even if I take the tap water and make it fizzy with the expensive thing I bought for that, it’s not the same.

Since I’m dressed and have to go out, I will go to the gym also. Hopefully my new client won’t say they want to see a house while I’m in “grungy gym mode”… I am very thankful to have them though. I will go no matter what I look like.

I’m making application for yet another side job… (if you are counting, that will be 3 active side jobs and 7 total side jobs since COVID started). What’s a girl to do? The bills are non-negotiable. Just a reminder I should have been so much smarter about money for so many years… Also checking on selling some of my erotic stories although I was compiling them for a different book…

I have recently discovered there is such a thing as a “Sigma Male”. Although it is rude to even try to label men like “Alpha”, “Beta”, etc., it is a way to describe some personality traits that might be attractive or unattractive to people… you know we as a species like to sort and categorize… it can’t be helped. I think this type of man may be my perfect match… I keep saying I want an “evolved Alpha male” but maybe I want this instead? Different from an Alpha, but similar. A recent Google search revealed: A Sigma Male is independent, self-sufficient, confident, and strong enough to be Alpha. He lets possible mates come to him, just like he does with friends and career opportunities. When these things come to him, however, he can be easily good at them. Sigma Males are often the ones who step outside their comfort zones, create amazing things, start businesses, are quiet and confident partners, and hard workers. While some people may think that Sigma Males retreat from society because they are lazy or don’t want to work, the opposite is true. How can you tell a male sigma? They are self-sufficient, seemingly strong, and capable of taking care of themselves. Sigma males are independent without even trying. They may have a close friend or two, but these friendships likely offer up companionship and not necessity. A Sigma male is intentional about who is in his life, including who he dates. That’s because a sigma male personality has faith in his decision-making and the kind of woman he picks as a lover. He trusts her judgment and knows she’ll never betray him. Sigma males need their own space in a relationship, and they give the same space for their partner to find themselves outside of the relationship. Here are a couple of articles about them:  https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/dating-advice/sigma-male/  and https://liveboldandbloom.com/10/personality-types/signs-sigma-male Now I wonder if I am “Sigma Female” of some sort… because I do tend to be a bit of a independent rebel… Per this article, I may be one https://subconsciousservant.com/sigma-female/ (Except for what it says about “holding the attention of every room they go into” – LOL – no thank you).

I and my sinuses would really like to get back in bed and watch movies all day and order some Irish food from UberEats (have a new favorite place and it feels so comforting) … babying myself does not pay the bills and is not responsible… going out into the world now… like a responsible, decent human “adult” … with my sunglasses and umbrella, winter coat and light sweater…