Cape optional…

I’ve spent some time working for my ex-brother-in-law lately. Of all my ex-husband’s siblings, I do like this one the best… and he and his wife were and are the only ones who still talk to me. Time spent with them always reminds me of so many things though…

Ed calls me in a fit once or twice a year, “at the end of his rope” he says – always the same thing… “I’m slammed with work, my office looks like a bomb went off, I can’t find my files and I have deals that have to be turned in so I can get paid but I can’t stop working long enough to find anything… HELP!” it is also usually followed by “My wife is mad at me for all the things being a mess and she just keeps screaming at me and telling me she is sick of it all… why can’t she just calm down and help me?” After an hour of counseling, I usually go over and make his life function for him again.

Every couple of years, he wants to “hire me full time”. I have told him for decades that he can’t afford me. He really can’t (at least not prior to Covid times) – I need my base to be what I make normally without much effort to even consider it – which is always a shock to him. One time he made that announcement again – that he wanted me with him full time – when I was in the middle of a super busy year and had a staff of 14… I told him that time “Fuck Ed, I don’t have time to eat – much less take on more work!” Another year, he wanted to “Combine our businesses – for mutual benefit”. I explained that mine was very different from his and I also know him well enough that I know he would try to change my business to be more like his… it would never work. Plus, I know him well enough to know he thinks everyone needs to do things his way. I do things my own way. He goes through assistants like rolls of paper towel – I keep trying to teach him how to be a better boss, but he is a work in progress on that… hires wrong, manages wrong, then is continually shocked it “didn’t work out”.

I have known Ed since I was 21 and was introduced to “the family”. He lived with my husband and me for a while when we were newlyweds and having our first child. Back then Ed was a sharp dressed, Porsche driving, womanizer who was business partners in a jewelry business with another one of the brothers. He lived in the basement and came and went at random times of the day and night. I had to remind him there was a baby sleeping and this was not a frat house. I told him “I don’t care if you bring women back here, but I do not want to meet them at 2am”, and “by the way, we can hear it all…so the one that likes to scream “Yes” and “No”, would you remind her there is a baby sleeping?” My nickname for him was “Ever ready fast Eddie”. I secretly hoped back then eventually my husband’s sex drive would kick in like his brother’s – Ed was older, so I thought maybe that had something to do with it.

I always made a big breakfast for him and his flavor of the week… I was making it for my husband anyway. My husband asked him to move out at some point because he wasn’t paying rent consistently. I heard them arguing in the driveway… somehow it got blamed on me… I heard Ed say, “You’re pussy whooped… wrapped around her finger”. He was not – but whatever. When he finally decided to settle down and ask someone to marry him, he wanted to talk to me about it first… what did I think of her? Could I see them having children? Did I think she would be a good wife for him? All the questions…

He used to pop by unannounced for decades, even after he was married. He was the “fun Uncle” for the girls – he is the one that would show up unannounced right after they went to bed and encourage them to get up and see him – have some ice cream with him – have a stick of gum. He also gave the “noisy toys” on Christmas and birthdays – I vowed to get him back for that when he had his… I was there in the room for the birth of all of his boys. He was too busy being ADD and making calls and joking to support his wife – so I did.

Ed is also the only one who ever stood up for me in that family. One day he popped by for breakfast, I was cooking and on the phone negotiating something and my husband wanted me to hurry up and iron a shirt for him. So then I was negotiating, cooking and ironing… got that wrapped up – hung up, hadn’t had time to eat anything myself and my husband wanted me to map some things for him. Back then, we didn’t have an app for that – I was the app. I would get out the Thomas guide map book and write on each listing turn by turn instructions of how to get there. I put them in order and mapped one from the other. (I was also a walking Rolodex – I knew how to spell everyone’s name, knew everyone’s phone number, and most birthdays and anniversaries. Photographic memory… so he would say someone’s name and I would tell him their phone number – instantly, on demand, no matter what I was doing… which he came to expect, and I came to really resent – write it down dude…). On this morning, my husband started screaming at me… I wasn’t doing it fast enough for him. He was right up in my ear, screaming at me. Ed put his dishes in the sink (my husband did not… it was considered my job) and he told my husband to stop it. He told him “You are abusing your wife. Knock it the fuck off before she leaves your dumb ass.” My husband basically told him to mind his own fucking business and that he wasn’t nice to his wife either so who the fuck is he to say something to him… Ed told him “Your wife runs two businesses, runs this house really well, makes all your meals, does all your laundry, manages the kids – I can’t even get my wife to do the laundry, much less anything else. You’ve got it fucking made – you need to be nice.” I had never heard anyone say that before. It was nice to be acknowledged. (Yes, I am aware of how pathetic that is)

After I left my husband and was immediately iced out by the people (” the family”) I had been so supportive and loving toward for 24 years, Ed and his wife were the only ones who talked to me. All the family gatherings I had taken part in, all the care I gave their parents (including physical care of their mother), all the birthday’s, graduations, babysitting of nieces and nephews, family disagreements I helped mediate, holidays, moves I packed and hauled stuff for, and financial bumps in the road I had supported for all these people meant nothing to them. I was dead to them. Except for Ed. And when my husband started stalking me, he is the one who called a “family meeting” to discuss it and the only one who took it seriously until the day my husband jumped out of the bushes with a gun. The rest of them told me I was just trying to create drama (so not my style – did these people ever know me?).

I guess I will always be supportive of Ed. Every time he calls, I will go help him. There are things that remind me of my ex-husband about him, but I deal. He is not bi-polar, so he is easier to deal with. The family learned a lot about my ex after I left – not because of me – but because I wasn’t there to act as a buffer and protect my husband from people knowing stuff. They had to deal with his mania and depression without me. He died 4 years after I left… he was smoking two packs a day and existing on iced mochas and Taco Bell and had a heart issue (mitral valve prolapse) – so he had a massive heart attack (“widow maker”) one day while moving a fridge for one of his other brothers. My fault… if I hadn’t left, he would have been taken care of and had less stress – eaten better, and I would have kept his smoking down with my constant reminders to live more healthfully, etc.

Ed still occasionally asks me to consider working with him full time. I did try for a month in 2018. I couldn’t do it. I quit for so many reasons… I told him I didn’t want to discuss them – I’d rather stay friends and the things I would say would make it difficult to stay friends (It involved boundaries and respect and some things he was doing that reminded me of the ex). But I will still work for him occasionally when he is overwhelmed. I have a gift of being able to create order out of chaos.  

His wife and I visited for a few minutes yesterday. She pointed to the kitchen table that she has not seen the top of for many months – once his office got too far out of hand, he started working at the table. And there are boxes in the family room and living room with papers and receipts… she doesn’t know what to do with them. She told me “I give up. There is less and less of the house I can use or have control of.” I understand. Been there. Done that. I was told at one point not to touch any of my husband’s things… tools were on the kitchen counter – I had to cook and serve around them because he wanted them there. It was a power play in that instance – not an overwhelmed, disorganized situation, but I get it. I took back her table for her and removed all business things from the living room and family room. I took all of the items that belong in the garage out of Ed’s office where he left them and returned them to the garage. His office looks like a normal one once again, his files are organized, he can find his keys. It always shocks him (even though I have done it dozens of times). I explained the systems again – everything is logical – every “thing” has its place… and the files are color-coded. Green folders are listings, Blue ones are buyer sales, Yellow are leads or in process but not a listing or sale yet. This red folder – this is the urgent thing you couldn’t find and need to do right away…

I’m going back tomorrow to do the rest of the house… (No Ed, your shoes cannot be lined up along the bedroom walls… who wants to fuck looking at all your shoes?) I will probably have to spend time listening to his wife… I have acted as marriage counselor for them so many times that I should have a degree by now. I always end up explaining why he does what he does and how she should interpret it. I know way more than I should about their sex life too… I am the one who worked through his wife’s issues with his kink – although I don’t think he knows it… he would probably be really embarrassed if he knew I knew… (you are welcome, Ed). I was the perfect person for her to talk to about it. I understand it. I am 100% sure her wine drinking girlfriends did not understand and were giving her the wrong advice. She was sure I would give the same advice they did -tell him to “fix” it or divorce him. But I did not. I like her girlfriends; I have known them a long time and once in a blue moon had wine with them. I just don’t thrive in an environment where people talk about things that I don’t think matter. They are nice and well-meaning, just not knowledgeable about non-vanilla things. I was able to explain things they don’t understand to help her understand, and also to tell her how to express her wants and needs (and how to figure out what they are) so they both get what they want and need… There is nothing to “fix” except understanding and communication. Kink is not a bad thing. I was also the person who explained to her she was the one ultimately responsible for her own orgasms and talked to her about toys (you’re welcome again, Ed).

Today I have my own things to take care of and I need a bit of a break between visits with them… tomorrow I will be refreshed and ready to tackle more of their “stuff” … although I hope she won’t want to talk about sex when I’m working in their bedroom tomorrow… I don’t want to talk about stuff I’m not getting – LOL.

If I were a superhero, I guess I would be “Chaos controller”… not very cool sounding… I would want a costume like cat woman… without the ears – I don’t like hats and things on my head.

Just thought of that song… Super Sexy Woman (Sufjan Stevens)

Here are the lyrics…

She’s a super human girl
She is super woman.
She is Superman’s cousin
She’s got superpower lovin’

She’s got super human eyes
For seein’ through superhuman vision
She’s got super human thighs
Sexier than television

She is super duper smart,
I like her for her mind
She’ll shoot a super fart,
The deadly silent kind

She’s got super human lips, for super suction
She’s got super power hips, for super reproduction

She’s a super human girl,
She is super woman.
She is Superman’s cousin
She’s got superpower lovin’

She’s got super human eyes
To see through super human vision
She’s got super human thighs,
Sexier than television.

She’s a lot like Catwoman
Just without the leather
She likes whips and chains
And an electronic feather.

She’s got a super long tongue
And spandex underwear
She’s got Superman’s smile
And Wonderwoman’s hair.

She’s a super human girl,
She is super woman.
She is Superman’s cousin
She’s got superpower lovin’

She’s got super human eyes
To see through super human vision
She’s got super human thighs,
Sexier than television.

She is Supergirl, Superwoman, Supersexywomannnnn..

Published by wayward yoga girl

A complex creation that chooses to be quite simple - LOL. I earnestly try to approach life with unconditional love and non-judgement... but I'm only human and perfectly imperfect :)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: