Insomnia, rumination & action

I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn’t go back to sleep. Instead of fighting with myself, I decided to watch a movie. I love movies… Some I will watch periodically even though I’ve seen them many times because they are comforting and almost like an old friend… and I have missed them. Some are just clever, and I appreciate that in them. Last night I found a movie I have never seen… it came out in 2007. There are blocks of time in my life where I was working so many hours that I missed pieces of history, movies that came out, music, books… it’s like I was just not there.

This movie also had John Cusack in it, so it’s extra shocking I have never seen it, because I adore him. I have always had a bit of a “thing” for him… I don’t know why. Him and Ryan Reynolds… and Richard Gere. I probably have weird taste in men – LOL. The name of the movie is “1408”. I usually don’t watch any movie that looks like it might be “scary” – for several reasons… but this is John Cusack… I have to watch it!

In this movie John is a writer. It also involves supernatural stuff, internal demons, and healing. It also brought up the subject of “evil” though. Does “evil” really exist?  There are “evil” things – meaning “bad” things – discomfort, hatred, bringing harm to people… there are people who have done “evil” things – murder, rape, abuse… but is there a force or entity of “evil”? I have always rejected that notion. I don’t think there is a place called “heaven” where angels float on clouds and harps are the background music of the day and some omnipotent man is taking our orders and requests for “stuff”… I don’t think there is a place full of fire and brimstone with people chained for eternity to suffer for their sins either. We have free will to interpret our existence however we see fit – we have free will to do harm or do good… many behave a certain way to earn “heaven” or avoid “hell”. I believe those are actually just states of consciousness. You can choose to live in either place.

Since we are all made of energy – and everything is made of energy – I think places can sometimes hold the energetic imprint of the people who have been there. Especially if there was trauma experienced by people in those places. I have read that collective consciousness of a group of people can create a physical manifestation of something “evil” … and evil energy. But I also feel there is nothing that can’t be overcome with love. Since the energy of love is stronger than anything, so it has the power to alter and transmute any lower vibrational energy… and I feel that we are incarnated to learn to expand our consciousness and learn to transmute lower energy more of the time. But that’s just me… weirdo raised by hippies… who knows?

I also read thoughts are not the property of the person who thinks they thought it… they float around until someone resonates with it and takes action. Like every book written, every painting painted, every invention to be invented is just out there in the ethos waiting for the right person to meld with it and “create” it. If you don’t grab it when it floats by you, someone else will. In a way that resonates – there are a couple books I thought about writing but didn’t take action, and then someone else wrote them. In a way, whatever we create isn’t truly “our” creation… we are just the conduit for it.

I’ve gone way, way down the rabbit hole on this thought train… shake it off. Why am I having trouble sleeping lately? I wake up with vivid dreams and then can’t sleep. Maybe I need a supplement of some kind…

I bought new glasses. I did it on-line (gasp). It was much cheaper, and I really needed them. The last pair I bought last Spring had to be replaced a couple times because the chain (who shall remain nameless) put defective glare resistant coating on the lenses that malfunctioned – and each time they wanted to blame me… I have had glasses since I was 6… trust me I DO know how to care for them… not my first rodeo! Each time I get a new pair between the kind of lenses I need and the designer frames, it’s $1000. This time I did the on-line thing with the virtual try-on for a quarter of the price. In the interest of saving money and being “fiscally responsible”, I did not get designer frames. I am accustomed to Dolce & Gabbana, Versace, and Prada. These glasses feel like they came from the Dollar Store (heavy sigh) – light, thin, plastic-y. I hope they don’t break or something… at least the lenses seem to be okay – so far… I should be brave and get Lasik. But my eyes are changing… every exam they are better – so… I don’t know what to do. I most likely didn’t need glasses when I first got them (actually, I am sure I didn’t) and my eyes got messed up from wearing them (that’s a sad story for another day) … I go without them now whenever I reasonably can – maybe that’s what is making my vision improve the last few years?

I’m headed for the gym – in hopes this time of day no one else will be in the free weight (off limits) area. Then off to Super Supplements to find something to help me sleep. I was supposed to work for Ed today, but he rescheduled last minute – so I have an unexpected day off… I should clean the house – but I don’t feel like it… I should write – but I don’t feel inspired… I should turn in the sale for the house I sold this week – but I don’t want to jinx it by turning it in before the home inspection, which is happening tomorrow… I should mow the grass – but I just got to a point where I can breathe again since the last time… I should take a nice long nap – but then I might not sleep tonight because of that… I should quit “shoulding” myself and just get my butt to the gym 🙂

Published by wayward yoga girl

A complex creation that chooses to be quite simple - LOL. I earnestly try to approach life with unconditional love and non-judgement... but I'm only human and perfectly imperfect :)

One thought on “Insomnia, rumination & action

  1. I love your comment on the energy of a place, not least because I have been living it in the family home, which I guess I should call my wife’s home, which has become a hostile environment for me. But this idea that everything is energy and that love is a higher vibration and therefore more powerful is something I can tap into.

    I’ve never been a hippy. One of my brother’s is/was a hippy, and he has a strong streak of asshole in him, and I always thought growing up, “hippies aren’t supposed to be assholes,” but discovered that so many of them are, and just thought, “what hypocrites”. But in the end, these “hippie” ideas about energy and love and boundaries and spirituality just resonate with me so much.

    So I plan to go around vibrating at the highest frequency possible and we will see what that does.


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