When I was cozy in bed this morning, all snuggled down in my feather pillows and feather blanket, my phone buzzed. I opened the incoming text “I didn’t do anything wrong!” It took me a number of seconds to get my brain straight and know who this was. It was momentarily jarring. Michael. I had already deleted our text thread… I was tempted to respond “You didn’t do anything wrong, per se. We just aren’t a good fit.” Or “The fact you are unaware of might be wrong is the problem.” But I did not. Yesterday’s text of “Seriously?” Did not evoke a formal response either…
Michael was/is a remnant still hanging around from the days on the dating sites. I’m sure he is a nice enough person. I have never met him. I was patiently waiting for him to ask me out on a date… letting him take the lead and be the “man” – I get tired of being the leader in things. He finally did ask me out – but it was last minute, and I already had plans, so I had to decline. He had a friend who is in a band that was playing at a Farmer’s Market, and he invited me – spur of the moment – to meet up to hear him perform. I would have, had I not already had plans. I can be spontaneous…
I’m sure he is a “nice enough” guy… he retired early from Boeing as a mechanic, takes care of his elderly mom whom he lives with in his childhood home… he was raised Catholic, and I sense he has some hang-ups, but we all have our idiosyncrasies… I’ve seen this brand before… hell, I’ve been married to this brand before… not 100% sure I have the inner strength to help yet another person get rid of their hang-ups deeply ingrained since childhood. His hobbies include – in no particular order – sex, Big Foot, sports, taking cruises, and Vegas (he has a timeshare there… or more precisely – I think since he said “we”, it must belong to his mom, siblings, and him).
The situation is this… I’ve been at these dating interactions for a while now… he wants a “Good morning” and a “Good night” text – but no real substance in between… unless it’s something with sexual innuendo. That’s not necessarily “bad” but it’s empty… meaningless… and not a relationship. He asked for pictures – often – but would not send me any. I refused to send any “sexy” pictures without knowing him better… I didn’t feel like it and didn’t want a potential relationship based on that. The only picture I had seen of him was a dark one from a number of years ago in front of a bright Vegas happening – which presumably is why he appeared dark and hard to see. I’m a mental person – so I don’t really care if someone is considered “attractive” by societal standards, but I would like to see who I am talking to… it feels weird to give someone what they ask of you – here is what I look like today – and not get the same in return.
If you don’t have meaningful interactions… know what the person you are interacting with looks like… and have never even met them (He did invite me to join him in his bed in the middle of the night once… but I took it as a joke. I’m not that hard up for a penis if I want one.), then it’s really a reach to feel anything. When I stopped replying to him a number of days ago, he was in Alki having ice cream. I told him “I like ice cream…”. He asked for a picture – which I took and sent, asking him for one as well. He said “I don’t do pictures. Nice fun-bags.” I had taken a random, spur of the moment photo but since the weather was nice, I wasn’t wearing a turtleneck – LOL… The term “fun-bags” grated on me… they are breasts, boobs, undoubtedly a number of things… but “fun-bags”? This is a red flag… I know this type of man that uses this phrase… typical blue-collar Boeing worker. Nothing wrong with blue-collar or Boeing workers, but No. Nope. (Engineers are more creative in bed – she thinks in her judgy non-judgmental way…) I sent a face slap emoji and haven’t responded to him since.
I can see how it all plays out already in my mind, so I don’t really need to do it in real life… I know the type of guy this is… I know the sex is not mind blowing (or even adequate) … I know his days will be spent in front of the TV watching Big Foot shows on the Travel channel… I know there are no deep, soul satisfying conversations to be had… no inspiration… no deep passion for a sunset, a sunrise, music, art, a beach, a mountain top… no spark of joy… no curiosity… no wanting to learn something new… so why bother?
After my face slap emoji, he had sent a number of messages that day and in the following days. He said “Clearly I can’t joke with you” – which he knows is not true… we have joked back and forth many times. He also said “I can’t be with a prude” – ha! Anyone who knows me for more than 5 seconds is well aware I am not a “prude” … I just won’t throw my naked “fun-bags” at anyone who possesses a penis…. The fact Michael has a penis does not make him special. We had even talked about threesomes… Does a “prude” have those conversations?
It’s less about what Michael did wrong, than what it is he didn’t do right. How do you explain that to someone? The fact I would even have to is a clear sign he is not for me… I think it is less mean to ignore him than it would be to help him be better. In my experience, guys like this don’t take constructive criticism very well… they get hurt feelings and become instantly defensive.
Maybe I’m overly judgmental? Robert didn’t “do” pictures either… but he did do charming really well… Michael hasn’t been charming… Nah – not my job to try and mold someone his age into anything awesome. Mr. Awesome will be along… I will wait. Or if he doesn’t come along, I’m okay with that too… I will be busy finding joy in sunsets and sunrises, and places, people, music… all the things…
I’ve also been failing to respond to repeated texts from the 4 1/2 weeks guy… I didn’t delete the text thread from this guy (in case I need a restraining order at some point). He went from calling me a cunt last summer to now sending me texts saying he really wants me in his bed… I haven’t seen him in almost a year and now in the last month random texts? He is a little ADHD – I wonder if he thinks he is texting someone else?
I also got a text at 1am from a number I don’t know … they knew my name… I always have to think twice – I use the same number for business and personal… but a client or potential client shouldn’t text at 1am… I have a gut feeling (don’t know why) that it is related to someone who wants to borrow money that I have been avoiding… (I don’t have any to lend and historically have a hard time saying “no”).
Sometimes maybe no response is just best for everyone?
I sent a couple Father’s Day messages to guys I know who are fathers… and I thought about sending one to a “Daddy” who is not a “father” but decided that was potentially not appropriate – LOL… I pondered for a while if I would still be grappling with sending Father’s day messages to both of mine the way I have in the past if they were still alive…
(By the way – Happy Father’s Day to a couple of bloggers that I just know are good fathers … Wendigo Mountain guy and Girlyboy69… hope you are both having a satisfactory day – big smooch virtually sent your way. A good father is not quite as common as you might think… both of you actually care about if you are or not.)