Now

Reminder … all we have is now.

I am out of town for the holiday weekend. I have been out of town a lot lately… it’s nice to have a change of scenery. It also gives me space to rethink my life a bit… you know different energy is good sometimes for a reboot. I’m going to the Oregon coast next week, then up north the last week of the month. I have actually traveled a lot this year. I guess I’m making up for time lost. Lost for so many reasons… including the pandemic. I am intentionally being in the “now” every day.

There is a bit of drama going on between my daughters… they are all adults – they don’t need me to intervene, but I sure wish they wouldn’t have drama with each other. When they aren’t getting along, it makes me think about the past. It makes me question my choices, my influence, how I might have done things differently – but really their drama with each other has nothing to do with me or the environment I tried to create for them. It’s human nature I guess… they will work it out. It is such a bad habit I have that my first reaction to things to be to try and take some sort of personal responsibility. Not everything is about me – LOL. Nor should it be. I did the best I could with the tools I had – that’s all that could be expected. They are adults and can sort out their own shit. (Except if it gets to a point where one won’t talk to another one – I will not tolerate one of them trying to opt out on having a relationship with a sister… that is not acceptable.)

We so often live in layers. Layers of stuff from the past… past hurts, past misunderstandings, past hopes and fears. Our past is not a template. It was just a period of time… it doesn’t define you or your relationships – unless you drag it around with you. The future moments don’t have to follow the structure of the past. Sometimes we try so hard to control the future too… and fret and twist inside about how to make things happen… creating anxiety and paralysis by over-analysis. Or worse yet is random, incorrect perception. We think we know what someone thinks or feels – yet we never can… you have to ask. All we really ever have is right now… this moment… to enjoy, feel, live… then the next moment that comes… and as we get older, we realize we don’t really know how many moments we will have – so to fret over the past or the future is just a waste of time… a squandering of precious moments that should be enjoyed, felt, and savored. Yeah – sometimes things don’t work out well or as good as intended… they are just a big clusterfuck… but even if things get messed up, you can make it a glorious clusterfuck – and maybe laugh about it.

Last year my theme was first dates, this year it seems to be traveling… which is good… I’m savoring all the moments – but maybe I should find a yoga retreat to take my daughters on. I have so much scheduled… Maybe I could squeeze it in between Europe and the holidays? If I book it and just tell them they need to go with me, maybe I can corral these kitty cats and someone else can help them realize the beauty of focusing on “now”, moment by moment.  Sometimes adults can no longer hear what a parent has to say but could hear it from someone else. Or maybe if I just continue to be an example of it, they will catch on?

By the way… taking photos for Instagram is not being “in the moment”. I am so tired of seeing people living life with a phone in front of their face and taking pictures of things instead of actually doing them… but that is a rant for another day. At least my girls have learned that. Around me, let’s just put the phones down and talk face to face and remember the awesome food and conversation instead of posting it! I love technology and all it can do, and I do like to take a pretty picture once in a while to preserve the moment, but I wonder if future generations won’t be able to have the depth needed for real interaction and we will need 12 step programs for social media. What if it turned out today was your last day? Have you told people you love them? Have you squeezed in enough appreciation for all the great things around you?