Sex, lies and no video

Prepare for TMI. I had the most amazing sex dream this morning. I’m still tingling all over hours later… so now, of course, I have to over-analyze it…LOL In the dream I was with someone I have had sex with before – but not for a year. Why? Why am I having such a delicious dream about him? We had amazing sex… 10-12 different occasions… but I haven’t seen him in a long time. (Was tempted once to write a blog post “12 Hotel Rooms”  – but there was a movie called “27 Hotel Rooms” and I was concerned because of the movie, the post would end up seeming ingenuine…) He did text the other day – which left me dumbfounded for a moment… I guess because I expected to never hear from him again. I was almost always the person to reach out. It was not at all sexual or anything – just a “hey” and then not much of anything… “I’m fine – same ol’, same ol’ ” sort of conversation. I admit, I was happy to hear from him.

I am still in quarantine from being exposed to Covid… almost done. I haven’t gotten sick, and I’ve tested twice – negative both times – but trying to be a responsible person. Due to quarantining, I have not seen my drive-by fuck buddy since before my trip. He called last night. Maybe that’s why I had such a great dream. I don’t really feel like he inspired it though… He and I are not 100% sympatico sexually… he was really horny last night since I’ve been gone and then in quarantine… we attempted to video chat numerous times but our phones were not cooperating (very odd that two iPhones refused to video chat), even tried Whatsapp – the minute one of us switched to video, it failed. I ended up sending him some requested pictures… I wasn’t really in the mood – but I am an accommodating soul… which reminds me – he is a selfish guy . He assumed we were both good. Which is not surprising, nothing new and I would be silly to expect anything different from him. The next time I see him I might be changing the dynamic on him a bit… but those are thoughts for another day. He doesn’t mean anything to me on any sort of real deep level at this point. So maybe I went to sleep with sex on my mind?

I really cannot allow myself to go down that rabbit hole again of longing for someone who doesn’t long for me… I deserve someone who wants me as much as I want them… I won’t settle for less than that. Could one simple “nothing” text make me spin out into that again? Fuck I hope not.

A Tarot reader that I know pulled cards that said the guy who texted me is a deep soul mate but got love wrong all his life. He also said I have a new person coming toward me who is also a soul mate, but this one will “rock my world”. He said the first guy actually manifested me into his life, then rejected it – for a lot of complicated reasons, but I was his “wish fulfilled” and he blew it off. This new one that is coming is one I have manifested and is better than I have even imagined… he said don’t go specifically looking for him – just be aware and when he crosses my path, I will know… I will feel it. There will be no hesitation on either side and it will be equal give and take… balanced. I don’t put a ton of stock in the cards, but I do acknowledge sometimes there is an accurate energy read. But energy shifts. Like the wind. So, who knows.

I refuse to worry about it. Worry always screws up energy. I just move forward… with conviction… everything is always working out for my highest good. I trust the Universe has my back… it’s only me who sometimes doesn’t – LOL

I got a call the other day from my friend that I stopped talking to in February. He had let me down… so I walked away from our friendship. I saw him calling in and took the call. We decided not to rehash what led up to us (me) not talking to each other and just move forward as friends again. That feels good. I don’t need an apology or to retrace those energetic footsteps of what happened. It’s okay. I like him as a person… we all don’t always behave the best. We are good.

I did a dumb thing… I texted the guy I had the delicious dream about and told him I had an amazing sex dream about him. I felt compelled to tell him… I don’t know why. I often wish there was an un-do button on texts… I have no idea why I need to be so honest about every little thing… my friends and family know – don’t ask unless you want to hear the truth… of course he didn’t ask for my honest sharing… but “compelled” is a weird thing… sometimes you just have to do something even if it’s dumb.  Oh well. I sure hope I didn’t sound like one of those past lovers I get a text from sometimes that make me cringe… I’ve had quite a few of those…

Speaking of cringe-worthy things… my business partner is holding a public open house today when he is still having Covid symptoms. I lectured him repeatedly yesterday about his irresponsibility. I read to him CDC guidelines and all about the risk of harming someone older or immune compromised… all he could focus on is that he “feels fine” – just has some residual sinus congestion. When I suggested he at least wear a KN95 to try and reduce the risk of exposing someone, all he could tell me was that he “doesn’t like masks” and they “seem unfriendly”. I told him nothing is more unfriendly than risking someone else’s health and it’s very dishonest (a lie of omission) to not mask when he is positive for Covid. Ignorant insensitive douchebag… I sense a theme… why am I surrounding myself with selfish, insensitive men? Granted, I do not allow them or their insensitivity to affect me – but why on earth am I attracting this sort of person to be around me? Maybe I’m not “attracting”, just acknowledging they exist…

I’m off to do some yoga and bask in the residual energetic feels of that super delicious sex dream… may as well savor it…

Published by wayward yoga girl

A complex creation that chooses to be quite simple - LOL. I earnestly try to approach life with unconditional love and non-judgement... but I'm only human and perfectly imperfect :)

3 thoughts on “Sex, lies and no video

  1. In the spirit of TMI, and the certain level of verbal intimacy through anonymity, yesterday, someone who I knew from high school sent me some racy pics. They were all in the spirit of getting herself off. Which she did. I am aware that I was used for this purpose. I played along, but I have no intention of going anywhere with her beyond that. Honestly, I couldn’t have cared less. I feel so dead to that anymore. This morning, I decided to shave off my beard (I’ve been considering it for a while). I posted pics on Facebook. She texted me and asked if it was a “shaving fuck up”. Then informed me I still “look good,” but I “looked hotter with the beard.”

    My best friend (a woman I’ve known since we were in elementary school and became close only a few years ago–not romantically involved) gets this same kind of attention from her exes. Like nobody really sees us, and we are both so jaded we don’t want them to anymore. My exes never bother to contact me. I wish some of them would, even just to say “hey”. Anyway, oversharing, but sometimes you just want to be seen. And you want to be seen with eyes that see you for who you are, not what someone wants out of you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hmmm… that’s a shitty thing for her to do. It’s like telling a woman who cuts her hair short, she looks better with long hair – all you can say is “thanks fucker… that will take 10 years to change back”. By the way, I have never been a big beard fan. There are lots of women who like clean shaven or even a little scruffy on a long weekend ;-). The most important thing is that you do what you feel called to do… sometimes we need an energy shift and that kind of style change thing helps. I doubt the exes that text out of the blue in a sexual way ever saw me for the “real me”… sometimes silence is better – LOL (Now I want to find you on FaceBook – hahah… sometimes I forget the people here are “real” people – that sounds weird because I’m real… now I’m rambling… maybe you know what I mean – everyone is far away and anonymous). Be well my anonymous friend 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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