Picky and painted black

The flare-up has subsided for the most part – which is good. I had a date on Saturday. I hadn’t really intended to have one… I had been texting back and forth and had a phone conversation with a new guy. On Saturday he was asking about my plans and indicated he really wanted to meet me. After a long week of fibro and subsequent flu shot and booster tiredness and soreness, I didn’t really feel like going somewhere… it seemed like a lot of extra work. Instead, I suggested that he just come over… bring his dog… we can order in and hang out getting to know each other. He gave me $20 for his dinner after I said I would get it this time… I appreciate the gesture but it’s clear he doesn’t order in, or he would know that isn’t half – LOL.

This guy is different. Deeper than most I have come across out there in the “dating wild”. I played with his dog (gosh I miss mine) and we talked. He also brought his guitar and played for me (how sweet is that?)… we have many things in common… and he is a very nice guy. He is in IT and is quite smart. He knows how to be open and genuine. He texts and/or calls every day (how weird is that?), and he seems to really like me. So what’s the problem you might be saying to yourself… grab this guy and live happily ever after… he asked toward the end of our date if he could kiss me. I said he could… he is NOT a good kisser. You know those plastic fish mounted on a plaque that mechanically move their mouth as if they are singing a song? That is all I could think of when we were kissing. I don’t think you can teach a full-grown man how to be good at kissing if he doesn’t know how to. My ex-husband was a bad kisser… I was never able to help him… and my mind says if he can’t kiss well, then he probably doesn’t fuck well either. And that is kind of a deal killer. I’m moving very slow with this (so not my normal style) … we will see. There is no spark for me either… maybe I am just too damn picky. He wants to see me again this weekend… I find myself being non-committal and finding excuses why I can’t. That has to be a “me” issue. This guy deserves a chance…

This “moving slower” thing is a whole new vibe for me. I am letting things unfold naturally. Not in a hurry. And perhaps a little tired of opening myself up completely to every person that crosses my path instead of the “here I am in all my weirdness” usual way… he does not know about my blog. Normally I would say he doesn’t know I write, but I don’t feel much like a “writer” anymore. I did let him see my drawings. I don’t usually let anyone see those… I let a little time go by and throw them away. They are not for anyone to see… although I have shared them here on occasion.

I closed the door officially with the ex-potential business partner. Made him pay me what he owed me – although that was not an easy feat. I basically wasn’t going to leave his office…ever…until he did. It was going to get uncomfortable. He asked if we could potentially work together on specific projects in the future. I told him “No”. It feels good to be done with that.

Now I’m strategizing my next steps. I will be moving… I’m trying to decide where to move my license and where I want to live and how I want to redesign things… not a “new chapter” but a whole new book – the “sequel”. Too bad I don’t have a cool name for it.

I am currently obsessed with cello music. I have Wednesday to thank for that. I love the sound of the cello. Wonder if I’m too old to learn it… I got obsessed with the saxophone once and tried to learn to play it – that is MUCH harder than it looks. It’s funny (to me anyway), I dressed as Wednesday for Halloween because I have always related to her matter-of-fact, emotionless dark comments, then I watched the series with my girls and so many times they said “That is something you would say” (and it was kind of true – LOL). I used to watch the old show when I was a kid. I always liked her… and of course, I too, am allergic to color.

Published by wayward yoga girl

A complex creation that chooses to be quite simple - LOL. I earnestly try to approach life with unconditional love and non-judgement... but I'm only human and perfectly imperfect :)

2 thoughts on “Picky and painted black

  1. So many changes. Sorry the business didn’t work out.

    You are right about kissing and fucking—they go hand in hand. But I wonder whether it is about being “good” or rather “right for me”. The implication of the former is that you can learn to kiss and learn to fuck.

    I am more inclined to think it is the latter. Our internal rhythm and our sensual feeling drives how we connect sexually. And this is preferences based. In other words, if he is a “bad kisser” he is not compatible.

    Nice isn’t enough.

    Liked by 1 person

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