Today I went with my two oldest daughters to my middle daughter’s first custom suit order at a tailor. I am so happy she has reached this point in life. Men have been doing it forever… It may sound shallow, but my daughter is a VP at a large corporation and leads hundreds of people… she has reached a point in life where she should have custom suits. Not to impress others, but for her own internal confidence. Off the rack never fits quite right and when you are a woman – especially in a man’s world (yes, we still live there), you need some “go to” power suits. Suits you feel comfortable and confident in. When you are making decisions and leading people – being responsible for people and their futures as well as their ability to support their families, you have to be comfortable in your own skin – not worrying if your clothes are hanging right or flattering. You have to be able to focus on the job with no silly distractions. I am proud she has made it to this point and proud that she is willing to invest in her suits and herself. (It is a beautiful gift to know you are worth it.) We chose everything, the custom lining… the custom monogram inside the jacket, the length, the angle of the pockets, the lapel, the fabric. It was wonderful 😊
After her fitting, we went to lunch. A long, happy, late lunch with cocktails and conversation. A lot of our conversation involved my oldest daughter’s interactions with her monster-in-law. We delved into why people do the things they do and how they act sometimes. I continue to ponder these things tonight…
I have decided there is a segment of the population (possibly a very large one) who do not spend time in introspection. I do. My children do. Why? I’m not sure… maybe because I always spent a great deal of time alone and read books over my age as a child? Processing the ideas of Ram Das may have made me different? Maybe I made my children different because of how I parented and interacted with them? Maybe we are just old souls? I don’t know.
I think most people are more concerned with how people see them than how they actually behave… it’s all about facades and image rather than “realness” maybe. I pointed out much of what my daughter’s monster-in-law says and does have nothing to do with anything real. It all stems from her own lack of self-worth and needing attention and validation from others. My daughter already knew that… it doesn’t make it any more pleasant to be around… how do you help someone be a better version of themselves and quit being obnoxious? You can’t help someone who doesn’t even see the problem or acknowledge there is a problem. I think many people are afraid if they show who they really are – without the façade, people won’t like them or will judge them.
Why do people allow themselves to be controlled by fear? What’s that old saying? “There is nothing to fear but fear itself” – it’s true. When you make choices and decisions from love, it’s such a better choice. For clarity – I don’t mean the silly, superficial “love”, or ooey gooey “love” we see when people try to illustrate what love is… I mean the real thing… the love that is unconditional… in our dna and all our cells and in every spec of life in the universe… that little piece of the divine that is in all of us… that “love”. It’s easiest to feel that love for a baby or a puppy or a kitten… LOL, but with practice you can feel it for all of mankind and make decisions from that place. (I know sounds pretty naïve and starry eyed – right? Just put your inner cynic aside and keep your mind open.) After you have mastered that, you can then learn to love the people in your life at a deeper level… fiercely loyal… always assuming the best in them… and always loving them with no conditions on what they do or don’t do… that’s how I choose to love. I’m rambling now. I will move on.
Back to external validation. This is a big one… when you learn to be free of it, it’s a whole new reality. I try to make decisions based on who I am at my core. How others choose to perceive it is their experience and their reality and really is none of my business.
The word “honesty” is over-used. Being truthful and speaking truthfully are under-rated. Even if you don’t like someone’s “truth”, it’s important to hear it and allow people to feel safe in speaking their truth. It doesn’t have to be yours… you can allow someone to have a different perception than you do.
We all have some damage from life. Allowing someone to be who they are and accepting them in whatever form they are and for who they are is an integral part of living truthfully and loving unconditionally. It does not mean however that you have to allow toxic people to be in your life… you can unconditionally love yourself enough to create a safe space for yourself. (Thinking of toxic people I have known now, and my own personal “stalker” ….) There are no accidents. Everything in life can teach us something. If we are open to seeing what there is to learn… It’s hard to learn things if you are afraid – so I choose to not be ruled by fear… now or ever. I am here for joy. (Stepping down from my little soapbox now…)